I love Johnny Stryker. I’ve never met Johnny Stryker. I just love him because he has given us this gift. This blog. This forum. This space. Thanks Johnny!

Now let me get to the point. Here are a few things I am not specifically prohibited from doing while I drive my car:

Apply makeup

Read the newspaper

Read a map

Trim my fingernails

Change my pants

Change my socks

Change my underwear

Tie my tie

Make soup

Send e-mail

Write an essay

Carry on a conversation with folks in the back seat while watching their every move in the mirror

Build furniture

Now for something I am specifically prohibited from doing while I drive:

Talk on my cell phone

OK. This seems like a common sense prohibition but it’s very existence is more problematic than we may realize. I currently drive a car that has a GPS system and a DVD player for the kids. Sure, the DVD player can only be seen in the backseat, but when the screen comes down from the ceiling, it completely blocks the use of my rear view mirror. When I use the GPS system to guide me, I’m constantly looking at the map — don’t tell me it isn’t distracting. I can think of at least 1000 things that are more distracting to me when driving — but in the case of those things I mentioned — they are actually offered to consumers at a premium price. So, they argument is that the cell phone is so distracting it has to be banned — that is, unless it is a hands free model. So it isn’t the act of talking on the phone that creates the danger, it is the fact that you are going to have one hand off the steering wheel. Now, raise your hand if you EVER drive with two hands on the wheel. Come on … I know you drive with one hand and know you’d be pissed if you were breaking the law everytime you took one hand off that magic wheel. Ever drink a cup of coffee, or a bottle of water while driving. How about eating a healthy granola bar? More distracting … a phone conversation or listening to two idiots in the backseat argue about the Yankees and Red Sox?

So my point is this — why do we waste our time on legislation like this? Shouldn’t it all fall under the heading of “reckless driving” and we can leave well enough alone? Shouldn’t the person who can use the darn thing safely and responsibly be allowed to do so and not be marked as some sort of plague on society. If the point is to make the roads safer, then create legislation that does so. Any statistics on whether such bans are actually having an effect on safety?

Hey, don’t even get me started on text messaging. Somehow, “texting” is a problem — but sending e-mail isn’t? I’ve got news for you … I wrote and uploaded this entire post from my laptop while reading the paper on my Kindle, drinking a cup of coffee, and driving my SUV — all with a clear conscience as a law abiding citizen.

What was it that William Wallace said at the end of Braveheart …